That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
