filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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