She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
