I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My hand turned me down
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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