I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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