apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
