For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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