I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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