I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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