yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
