And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
