Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
