We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
