i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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