hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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