Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude i'm inner monologue high
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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