So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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