Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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