he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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