WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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