Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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