Can Purell be used as lube?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
