oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
