I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize