She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
