I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
