I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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