Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
