I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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