she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Mom said you looked used
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
