It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
