I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We don't watch enough power rangers
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
