I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
