he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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