Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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