I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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