how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
