Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
