Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
