if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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