not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
