Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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