I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
