my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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