I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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