It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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