I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
