You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
