Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
