I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize