Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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