I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
