drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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