I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
