I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
