There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
