What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
