is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
