Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
