Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
