Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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