She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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