yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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