You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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