put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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