we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
