i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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