I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
