You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize